Acting Up: All-star golf

Due to a stunning 2 and 1 victory in the last round of the Richard Mills fourball, the premiere winter competition in The Stage Golfing Society calendar, my partner and I have now reached the dizzy heights of the quarter finals. It promises to be a titanic struggle, contested by four heavyweights of luvvie golf.

In the blue corner, playing off 6, Sion Tudor Owen: Star of stage and screen, Sion is probably best known for his commercial work. Many of you will recollect his towering performance as El Capitano, buffoon club captain in the Audi ad, and who could forget his oft talked of performance as ?Daddy? in the seminal ?Daddy or Chips? commercial.

His partner, Peter Orton playing off 17: Legend of TV directing, Peter?s credits include The Frank Skinner Show, Fantasy Football and Baddiel and Skinner Unplanned (being unplanned we?re still wondering what he actually did). He?s currently directing Harry Hill in TV Burp.

Their opponents in the red corner. Playing off 9 Mike Windsor: Although not a household name, Mike?s alter-ego is none other than comedy genius Basil Brush. As the arm and voice of this cheeky, vulbic chappie he?s quite simply the most famous non-famous person I know.

And his partner, playing off 4, your humble blogger: Having starred in many theatre, film and TV productions, George still remembers with fondness his ground-breaking performance as the front of end of Maggie the cow, in Watford Palace?s production of Jack and the Beanstalk.

Each player is dangerous in his own way. Sion, an ex-county player, can shoot low numbers, and with his rotund gut and thick black beard, cuts a menacing figure on the tee. Imagine Zorba the Greek and Harry Secombe?s illegitimate love-child and you get a fair idea of what I?m talking about.

Peter can blow hot and cold, but he?s a good 17 and receiving 10 strokes could prove a match winner. As a successful director Peter is in the enviable position of owning an apartment at La Manga. Hopefully, having spent a few days there this week, the difference in greens might work to our advantage, La Manga being Lightning quick, Richmond being Benny from Crossroads slow.

Although a small lad (he has to be to fit in the costume), Mike is deadly accurate and has a short game to die for. He is also totally immune to the usual stage sledging. When you earn your living by shoving your hand up a fox?s jacksie, you have to be.

I, like Sion, am capable of going low, but have been struggling of late. However, having been recently furbished with glasses (I can now tell the difference between a 6 and a 9) and having played better in the last round my expectations, if not exactly high, are above sea level.

I know you must be disappointed that tickets are not available for such an event. But be assured I will reveal the outcome in next weeks blog?.. Unless of course we lose, then it?s ?Why can?t you repair spike marks? And other silly rules.?