'A Total Train-Wreck Of Emotions – Why Are Women More Prone To First-Tee Nerves Than Men?'

One scenario that puts the fear of God into many golfers is the first-tee shot in a medal round in front of a sea of other golfers, and I believe this fear runs far stronger in women than in men. The worry about how we appear to others and what effect our performance will have on those around us means that sending a little white ball the right way is actually a feared action!

So, why do we hate the first-tee so much? There’s the obvious performance element about not being able to claw back a decent score after an early blow up hole. Yes, it can affect our result, but I think women’s fears tend to run deeper than just hitting a poor shot. 

Women tend to focus on appearance rather than results. We fear embarrassment and making a gentle arse of ourselves in front of our peers. Usually it is because we are not confident in our ability or consistency. But how much has to do with how we’ve been pre-conditioned to understand that we are 'lucky' to be out there at all. Pre-conditioned to believe we need to be doing better than our best all the time to almost earn our spot. 

We constantly hear it in industries that are male-dominated, women have to almost overachieve to feel they’ve earned their right to be there, proving they’re more than suited to the role and will outperform, often for less pay (though we hope things are on the up). Do we as women continually feel that we have something to prove, raising the bar to get noticed and feel that we belong? 

In my opinion, this is a huge element when it comes to teeing off on the golf course. We think that all spectating golfers’ eyes are on us, watching and readying themselves to belittle the tee shot and confirm that in fact that we should all be at home. Let’s face it, we do enough belittling of ourselves. Rarely are we able to take a compliment, and we constantly point out our downfalls and negatives. 

In reality, all those golfers are too busy bragging about how they’ve played or thinking about where they are about to whack their balls. Often the last thing on their minds is where we are about to hit the ball. They actually couldn’t care less and is a great way to deal with this viewing gallery. They’re not there for you (sorry to say) so you can indeed relax a fraction and try to focus on what you want to achieve. 

Focus on the positive feelings and images by first rehearsing just off the tee, do your practice swing in the longer grass as you stand on the tee box. This will take one element of that worry of taking a chunky divot as you rehearse. This is a reason many women don’t bother with practice swings. These are essential if you are to then repeat a decent contact with the ball. Make a half hearted whiff in the air and you’re practicing topping the thing. 

Next, try picking a point up on the horizon. Even point your golf club at this. Like you REALLY mean business. This will lift your body language up and help you visualise your ball flying high and straight. By aiming further afield, you also take your mind and sight away from any hazards between you and your target. Swing towards that spot up on the hills and this will really help you to extend your swing through to the finish.

We feel we need to 'act' confidently to make up for our lack of self belief (weird I know) and this can sometimes lead to overthinking and overdoing it. This happens in home life, other sports and the business world. Women tend to point out their own weaknesses rather than promoting their strengths. When you talk to men about climbing up the career ladder, lack of confidence isn’t even mentioned.  

Standing on the first tee, we will have already discussed the previous horror stories that have unfolded there both with our playing partners and in our own heads. The urge to just get it over and done with runs rich and results in us having no pre-shot routine at the expense of holding everyone else up, and rushing the shot to see it fizzing into the hedge just past the tee. It’s a total train wreck of emotions and physical responses all stemming from our need to be something different. 

My number one advice here is BE YOU. Play your own game, this is after all your golf ball. No-one else’s. You can do whatever you like with it. 

If only women could accept the golfer that they are, not care too much if they top it off the first-tee or bomb it 200 yards. We all need to relax. If we could do this we’d actually be better gofers all round. The enjoyment factor of that 1st tee shot would rise, that's for sure. We know that relaxing is easier said than done. So, how can we start making some changes? 

Our physical reactions to nervousness are the same as when we are excited about something! We get a racing heart rate, potentially perspiration increases, stomach jitters and our breathing gets quicker. If you feel nervous, try to change your mindset to, “I’m so darn excited,” make a joke about it, get pumped up. Tiger always said he needed that adrenal rush to play his best. So use it as a tool (not a weapon, as remember we aren’t wanting  to overdo this). Refrain from doing the Haka on the tee, you may get fewer invites to play. Be cool. 

Try these ground rules for success and start out how you mean to go on…

Fail To Prepare And You’re Preparing To Fail

Get your golf bag ready the night before. Water, snacks (high protein, good fats etc, things that will give you energy, not a sugar rush). Arrive with plenty of time. Hit a few balls if you can or simply chip to get your eye in.

Warm up well. If you’ve just rocked onto the first tee in a flurry of tee pegs, half eaten breakfast and coffee stains on your shirt, you have every reason to fear that 1st shot. You are not ready or even vaguely warmed up. Being prepared gives us an immediate air of confidence. We are in control of the situation. You’ve got this.

Take A Moment To Gather Some Perspective 

It’s a round of golf. You won’t be standing in front of a panel of golfers and interrogated if you don’t do well, a rise in your handicap is the worst case scenario. Gather a bit of perspective and imagine you were never going out there ever again. This is your last chance to play golf. Wow. Now that changes things. You’d certainly treat the round very differently.

What you are playing for changes your mindset. Treat it as a casual round, focused on enjoying every shot. I coach some women who have utter collywobbles even if they set foot on the 1st tee. Confidence is the missing ingredient here and this will surely help. Also, if the 1st tee is somewhere you only ever venture when it’s a competition, then you haven’t rehearsed this moment enough. 

Practice on the course and take yourself out for a few holes here and there during lighter evenings or in rubbish weather when it’s quiet. Take the opportunity if your course allows it to hit a couple of tee shots. You need to see yourself succeed and I’d massively encourage practicing the big tee off as much as you can. Success at the range won’t necessarily translate. 

Rev Up

Rather than fly at the ball as if it was a hot potato…briefly warm up before you take the plunge. You wouldn’t give a speech before first rehearsing it would you? Yet so many people just grab the driver and go for it, then wonder why they can’t get going for a few holes… 

Swinging two irons out of the bag, holding them as best you can and swinging back and through a few times will make a difference. Now you’ve warmed up the golfing muscles, go for one all-over stretch. 

Taking one of the irons, grab the head of the club, anchor the butt of the grip to the ground and gently walk your tailbone away from your hands creating a right angle. Sink your head into the triangular gap between your arms and breathe. Having stretched, make a few decent practice swings, making contact with the turf. This rapid rev up won’t take long, but you’ll be so pleased you did it. You won’t have to wait till the 5th hole before your swing feels your own again.

Everyone Is In The Same Boat As You

That first topped tee shot sets the tone of a round. That terror of what everyone else is thinking and how they will judge you if it goes pear-shaped. Fear not! Every golfer will be going through exactly the same battle mentally as you are. They actually don’t care what you do as they’re panicking about all the ways their tee shot could go wrong. So forget them. Focus on the shot in hand.

Make A Joke In Your Pre-Shot

If nerves are wreaking havoc and you’re no longer enjoying your golf, fixate on one thing in your pre-shot routine. Maybe give your bum a little Beyoncé style twerk before you tee off (this is brilliant if your posture gets sloppy.) If you have an internal joke with yourself then it’s hard to get het up about what’s about to happen - good or bad. 

If we approached so much in life as we did when we were junior golfers then we wouldn’t overthink. We’d just step up to the shot, look at where we want the ball to go, rehearse the best version of that shot in our heads (lots to choose from) and we’d simply nut that ball down the middle of the fairway. As kids, we didn’t fear failure. If we can summon up some of that sass then bring it on. 

Play like no-one is looking and you own the place. If only there were supplements for this kind of nonchalant confidence for life, work and our golf, we’d all smile a heck of a lot more.