32 Funniest Figures In Golf!

Funniest Figures In Golf

Golf throws up strong reactions. One person may love golf; one person may hate golf. Sometimes that is the very same person, only a few moments apart. Golf is a game that involves lots of time for talk and reflection. As such, it has provided not only the source for, but also the opportunity to express, much humour. So we look at some of the funniest figures in golf.

Joel Dahmen

Cancer survivor Joel Dahmen has many fans both for the way he supports cancer charities but also for his witty and caustic social media exchanges with his good friend and fellow PGA Tour pro Max Homa and for his self-depreciating sense of humour with lines such as:  “Somebody's got to be the 70th-best golfer in the world... it might as well be me."

Gary Player

Gary Player has always had a lot to say on a lot of things, some of it quite wry, such as: “The more I practise the luckier I get,” and “You must work very hard to become a natural golfer,” and “If there's a golf course in heaven, I hope it's like Augusta National. I just don't want an early tee time.”

A.A. Milne

Winnie The Pooh author AA Milne, whose handicap was in single figures, often golfed three times a week. He played at The Addington, Walton Heath and Royal Wimbledon and, after he moved to Sussex, at Holtye. His work includes the poem The First Tee, which opens:
The year’s at the full and the morn’s at eleven
It’s a wonderful day just straight from Heaven,
And this is a hole I can do in seven

Paul Goydos

Paul Goydos has been called "one of the most sarcastic, quick-witted, intelligent people you'll ever meet," by fellow PGA Tour player Steve Flesch. The general public do not hear much from Goydos, a journeyman pro who won only twice on the PGA Tour, as he was rarely hauled before the microphone. But when he was they get one liners such as how playing Oakland Hills is like "playing Scrabble without the vowels.”

Charles M. Schulz

Peanuts cartoonist Charles M. Schulz was a big fan of Sam Snead and Snead got several mentions in the comic strip. Schulz explained in an interview in 1971 that he once watched Snead “play a round in the St. Paul tournament when he hit every green in regulation figures – and all the par fives in two – for a truly flawless round.”

Ian Poulter

Ian Poulter added a lot fun to golf coverage from his boldly patterned outfits of a type normally last seen on the fairways of the seventies, but worn by him during a more conservative time. Or as he put “I don't like the way most people dress on the course. I think it's pretty bland, pretty boring.” However he did see the downside as: “The last thing you want to do is shoot 80 wearing 'tartan troosers'.”

Nate Bargatze 

Comedian Nate Bargatze includes a golf joke in his routines as “it doesn’t hurt me to throw a golf joke in, just as a reminder that I play so that people might ask me to come play places!” He is certainly ready: he has one set of clubs which lives at home, and another which he takes on the tour bus “because you never know what’s going to pop up.”

Craig Stadler

To some, Craig Stadler is the crowd-pleasing American professional golfer nicknamed The Walrus who has won numerous tournaments on the PGA and European Tours, including the Masters in 1982 in which he beat Dan Pohl in a playoff. To others, he is simply the person who explained: “Why am I using a new putter? Because the old one didn't float too well.”

Ray Romano

Ray Romano got to play Augusta National five years running on the Monday after the tournament during the time that Everyone Loves Raymond was running on CBS as the broadcaster was given a fourball slot each year. He said that his goal had been to break 100 there. He never did. He also admits that he six-putted Augusta’s 12th green in one of his rounds.

Tommy Bolt 

US Open Champion of 1958, Tommy Bolt was known as Thunder Bolt for his quick temper and club-throwing tantrums, some of which were to entertain the crowds. “Here’s irony for you,” he said, “the driver goes the shortest distance when you throw it. The putter flies farthest.” In 1957, the PGA introduced a rule fining players for club throwing. He asked in response: “Can I get fined for throwing a caddy?”

Jack Lemmon

Jack Lemmon starred in hit comedies such as The Odd Couple and Some Like It Hot and was a regular competitor in the Bing Crosby National Pro-Am at Pebble Beach. He said: “I would trade my two Oscars to make the cut and play on Sunday at Pebble Beach.” He also said: “If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.”

Arnold Palmer

Good-looking, snappily dressed, with a ready smile which reached the eyes, and possessed of a deep laugh, Arnold Palmer was one of the most charismatic golfers there has been. His devoted followers became known as Arrnie’s Army. One of his famous quotes was: “I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyone's golf game. It's called an eraser.”

Seve Ballesteros

Seve Ballesteros rivalled Arnold Palmer for charisma and the flamboyance of his play. During parts of his career, his game became renowned for occasional wildness off the tee followed by incredible recovery shots. Asked whether he wished the fairways were made wider, he replied: “No, more narrow. Then everybody would have to play from the rough, not just me.” Asked to explain his four-putt at the 1986 Masters he replied “I miss. I miss. I miss. I make.”

P.G. Wodehouse

PG Wodehouse, author of the Jeeves and Wooster stories, also wrote The Heart of a Goof, a collection of golfing stories published in 1926, dedicated to “my daughter Leonora without whose never-failing sympathy and encouragement this book would have been finished in half the time“. A keen but, by his own unreliable account, mediocre golfer, he once sent a letter from “c/o sixth bunker, The Addington.”

Tiffany Joh

Pro golfer and former Curtis Cup player Tiffany Joh has published some highly entertaining parody music videos on YouTube. She learnt the piano growing up and also played the saxophone and the flute in a marching band; she also plays the guitar. She is also known for her taste in animal-inspired onesies, and her pithy word plays and comments on her social media accounts.

John Updike

Pulitzer Prize-winning John Updike was captivated by PG Wodehouse’s golfing short stories and took up the game himself. He also included golf in several of his own novels and short stories as well as publishing two non-fiction books about the game. He wrote that “Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.”

David Feherty

David Feherty is a Northern Irishman who won five times on the European Tour. But now he is better known for his commentary work and such lines as describing Jim Furyk’s swing as “like a one-armed man trying to wrestle a snake in a phone booth.” A wayward shot he called as “so far left Lassie couldn’t find it even if it was wrapped in bacon.”

Oliver Hardy

Oliver Hardy, whose handicap fluctuated between 6 and 14, was happy to leave much of the production of their films to Stan Laurel, as this left him free to play golf. Knowing this, Laurel would delay Hardy’s 'camera look' shots until the end of a shooting day when Hardy would be impatient to get away to the golf course. The result was that those trademark exasperated looks Hardy gave to camera were often from genuine exasperation.

Raymond Floyd

Raymond Floyd won the Masters, US Open and the PGA Championship and then, on the Senior Tours, won another set of four Major titles. Although he was a highly successful golfer, he still had that love-hate relationship with the game that most players have had at one time or another. Memorably, he remarked that: “They call it golf because the other four-letter words were taken.”

Bob Hope

Jack Nicklaus said of comedian Bob Hope that “It is hard to think of anyone who has given more of himself to promote the game of golf and raise money for charity." Hope said things like: “Isn't it fun to go out on the course and lie in the sun?” and “I went to play golf to try and shoot my age, but I shot my weight instead.”

Miguel Angel Jimenez 

Whether it is through his amazing warm-up routines on the range, or how he pretends his club was a sword being returned to its scabbard after a particularly good shot, Miguel Angel Jimenez makes golf fun. In his words: “I am here with the sun shining, surrounded by friends, family and my beautiful wife; tonight I will eat good food, drink good wine, smoke a good cigar. It's a good life, no?”

Boo Weekley

Boo Weekley contributed 2½pts from his three matches to USA’s victory in the 37th Ryder Cup. But he is best remembered for leaving the first tee galloping along riding his driver, as if it were a hobby horse, while pretending to whip it — “one of the greatest things I've ever seen,” said American captain Paul Azinger. Weekley explained: “It's just my nature to be a little goofy.” 

Winston Churchill

Sir Winston Churchill was a member of Walton Heath. Churchill was said to be keener on the 19th hole than the preceding 18 and often had to be chivvied out to play. He complained that "golf is a game whose aim is to get a very small ball into an even smaller hole with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose.”

Max Homa

Max Homa’s social media musings to the world include: “Airplane middle seat: the most consistent missed cut punishment … My friend started dating a girl in December and the Xmas present panic is real. Go too small and she's sad. Too big and she's scared. Fun for me though … I don’t use a green reading book because if I did, I wouldn’t be able to blame my caddie when I missed.”

Gerald Ford 

Gerald Ford, 38th President of the United States, was a 12-handicapper, but his play was the butt of many jokes. He sportingly went along with these, saying “I would like to deny all allegations by Bob Hope that during my last game of golf, I hit an eagle, a birdie, an elk and a moose.” He also claimed that: “I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators.”

Lou Graham 

Lou Graham started golfing when he was seven years old, and he won the 1975 US Open but he still considered golf to be “a dumb game”. His reasoning was that “hitting the ball is the fun part of it, but the fewer times you hit the ball the more fun you have. Does that make any sense?” Well, when you put it that way, no.

Chi-Chi Rodríguez 

Chi-Chi Rodríguez was the first Puerto Rican inducted into the World Golf Hall of Fame. He had claimed playing in the USA caused him problems as “I read the greens in Spanish, but I putt in English," and “I asked my caddie for a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye.” He also claimed: “I am a millionaire today and my wife deserves all of the credit. Before I met her I was a multi-millionaire.”

Ronnie Corbett

Ronnie Corbett lived in a house named Fairways beside The Addington and would nip out for a few holes in the evening. One of his monologues on The Two Ronnies was based on this: "My wife has this ridiculous idea that I'm playing too much golf. Actually, it came to a head at about 11.30 last night. She suddenly shouted at me: 'Golf, golf, golf. All you ever think about is golf!' I'll be honest, it frightened the life out of me. I mean, you don't expect to meet somebody on the 14th green at that time of night."

Sam Snead

Sam Snead is credited with many well-known golf sayings such as “These greens are so fast I have to hold my putter over the ball and hit it with the shadow,” and “you’ve only one fault with your game. You stand too near to the ball – after you have hit it.” Whether one of the greatest golfers of all time originated every single one of these lines, or merely popularised some of them... well, either way, he certainly recognised a good one liner.

Tommy Cooper

Tommy Cooper was the master of the deadpan wordplay one liner, such as “The town was so dull: one day the tide went out, and it never came back,” and “I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.” Playing in a pro-am, he made an air-shot on the first tee, and turned to the those around him and remarked: “Difficult course this.”

Lee Trevino

Lee Trevino, who won six Majors, is famous for his wisecracking. He advised: “If you get caught on the course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, then hold up your one-iron; even God cannot hit a one-iron.” He also explained that: “You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work.”

Bill Murray

One of the most popular films about golf is Caddyshack, starring, among others Bill Murray. A keen golfer, Murray says he “can walk on a golf course and some guy will be screaming entire scenes at me and expecting me to do it word for word with him. It's like, 'Fella, I did that once. I improvised that scene. I don't remember how it goes.' But I'm charmed by it.”