10 Club Golfer Cliches

Whether it's Mr Angry, Mr Rules or Golf-mad Gary, all club golfers will be familiar with these characters...

10 Club Golfer Cliches

Whether it's Mr Angry, Mr Rules or Golf-mad Gary, all club golfers will be familiar with these characters...

The Nervous Character

From the highs of holing a tricky five-footer to the lows of airmailing the green and shanking mid-irons, a normal round is an emotional rollercoaster akin to being a character in the EastEnders Christmas special. Keeping calm when these emotional bombshells go off is easier said than done. For some, the only way to face the journey is with a little Dutch courage.

Range Warriors

For some club golfers, arriving on the 1st tee without warming up is sacrilege. Whether it’s a full Vijay Singh-style range session or a few swipes in the net, nothing is left to chance.

Speed Demon

John: “Hi Terry, how did you get on?”

Terry: “Good. We were round in two hours and 53 minutes.”

Terry is a speed demon – far more concerned with pace of play than his actual score. He might have nothing to do after the round, but be warned, never hold Terry up. You won’t like Terry when he’s angry.

Mr Rules

There are two types of golfer – those who have an understanding of the Rules, and those who know them inside out. Whether you have a thorn lodged in your ball or you’ve kicked your opponent’s into a water hazard by accident, Mr Rules is your go-to guy and he’s there for clarification, not sympathy. Oh, and he’s always right.

Golf-mad Gary

Golf-mad Gary is the guy at the club every day of the year with a smile on his face and a lob wedge in his hand. Are you a two-ball in a field of threes? Missed last week’s AGM? Looking for a lift to next week’s away match? Golf-mad Gary is only too happy to help.

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Late Comers

Every golf club has a player who, no matter how hard they try, only ever arrives on the 1st tee nanoseconds before their allotted time. Looking red-faced, breathing heavily and sweating profusely, these players often defy the odds by splitting the opening fairway… or they top it into a bush. There really is nothing in between.

Obsessive Scorer

Some tot up their score at the end of the round, blissfully unaware. Others, however, understand exactly how their round is progressing at all times, knowing they are on 22 points through 13 with three stroke holes remaining.

The Trouser Guy

Golf offers its players the chance to show off their individual fashion sense in a way few sports can match. The results are, at best, mixed. Indeed, there are always a few club members who like to express themselves through the medium of their trousers.

Mr Angry

You’ll be a man, Rudyard Kipling famously once explained, if you can meet triumph and disaster and treat those two imposters just the same. Kipling clearly never three-putted from five feet. Golf is infuriating, but it winds some up more than others. Cue Mr Angry.

Related: How to curb your anger on the golf course

Mr Forgetful

“Does anyone have a spare pencil…?” Golf is a sport that, no matter how much you try to pack light, requires a lot of stuff. From clubs and GPS units to scorecards and waterproofs, we all know someone who leaves a trail of golfing paraphernalia in their wake.

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