6 Things I Never Want To Hear Again From A Golf Commentator

When I’m on my travels with my Golf Monthly colleague and good friend Rob Smith, conversation often turns to things or phrases that irritate or annoy us. It comes with the territory at our age, I’m afraid.

One that irritates him a little more than me is the use of “quite the” rather than “quite a” as in, “He’s become quite the player over the last couple of years.” Nick Dougherty, from the Sky Sports and PGA Tour commentary teams, is very much a fan of “quite the”.

While researching this article, I actually did a quick Google/AI search to see if “quite the” is merely annoying to Rob rather than grammatically incorrect and it seems that is probably the case, with AI telling me that “in most contexts, both phrases are understood to mean something similar, but using ‘quite the’ adds a specific stylistic nuance that relies heavily on context and delivery”.

So, there we are. Another colleague admits that he gets miffed by Nick Dougherty (again – sorry, Nick!) insisting on calling them loblolly pines rather than just pines every time Masters week rolls round.

I know where my colleague is coming from. Technically, Dougherty is, of course, correct, but “loblolly”, through no fault of its own, is a mildly irritating word that becomes all the more irritating the more often it is repeated.

Anyway, I digress a little – here are a handful of phrases that grate on me to varying degrees in TV commentary and/or social media usage, which may, or may not, offend or irritate you to the same degree...

“Frozen rope"

Shot-tracking technology is largely to blame for the proliferation of this one, which is uttered far too often for listening comfort every time someone hits an arrow-straight, piercing drive that displays no hint of lateral deviation.

Unbeknown to me, it appears it is a baseball term that has now progressed into golf, but I wish it would retreat just a little.

“Throws a dart”

This is now an all-too-frequent reaction to any approach shot that lands and stops extremely close to the flagstick. It annoys me not only because of overuse but also because I think it’s only half right, for surely it is possible to throw a dart inaccurately just as much as it is to throw one that hits the target?

Yes, Mr Picky, I know – but once something has irritated you it’s unlikely to ever be able to redeem itself.

“Full send”

This has now become the go-to phrase applied to any shot where the player has put absolutely everything into it from a power perspective to hit a long drive.

That’s all well and good, and I’m told there is a YouTube channel called Full Send Golf, but it is the frequency of usage that infuriates, especially when there are ample alternatives to convey the same meaning – flat-out, all-out, don't spare the horses, full throttle, everything in the tank and so on. Let’s just mix it up a little more.

“Straight down the hey diddle diddle"

You don’t hear this one so often these days, but it was very much an overused favourite of Howard Clark in his early days behind the mic every time a player split a fairway.

I believe it does still slip into the vernacular of Ken Brown every now and then, suggesting that it was very much of a particular era as their tour careers largely overlapped.

“Dialled in”

A player doesn’t have to “throw a dart” too often before someone in the commentary booth will refer to them as being really “dialled in” with their irons and wedges. Nothing wrong with it per se – again, just overuse gradually dulling the senses.

“Dodo Molinari’s data”

Finally, and not really a specific phrase as such, but I have to admit I got thoroughly fed up with commentators (Paul McGinley in particular) mentioning Edoardo Molinari’s data and stats every other hole at the Ryder Cup.

We got the message – the Italian has come up with stats and data to help give Team Europe the edge when it comes to pairings etc. I’m sure it’s true and played a part in their success – I just didn’t want to hear about it every five minutes!

That’s it – six bugbears of mine that will no doubt differ to yours. Why not join the conversation and let us know what phrases rub you up the wrong way in the comments section below.

And I do appreciate that commentators have an awful lot of time to fill on air and have come up with many classics over the years. So sometimes, when I’m feeling in a particularly generous mood, I’m willing to just let it go and look the other way... or at least, listen the other way!