'I Feel Quite Sorry For Women That Always Play In The Same Friendship Groups'

Every club has close circles of friends. There are those who will only play golf with each other in their clique every week. They tend to avoid entering the drawn competitions through worry of having to endure 18-holes with someone they don’t like - the club snail or the loudmouth who gets loads of shots and takes five hours to get round 18 holes. The same three or four names appear together on the timesheet every week because for them it's a safe choice.

But why do we choose to play with our same group of friends? For starters there’s a certain comfort to be had in knowing that your really good friends know your game inside and out, so you are more likely to relax in their company and shoot better scores. You’ll also not be embarrassed about hitting the odd bad shot, like you would with a stranger.

Then there’s the enjoyment element. Golf isn’t just about the competition, the scoring. It’s a sociable sport and we are out on the course to have a nice time. Playing with friends is fun.

On the other hand, it’s also fascinating to meet new people. Golf is a sport that brings characters from all walks of life together, united in the pursuit of getting that little white ball in the hole. I’ve met some incredible people over the years thanks to this great game.

The beauty of golf is the life-long adventure the game brings. You get to experience new courses, new places, new people - if you choose to do so. There are times when I look across the fairway at the women who always play in the same friendship groups and actually feel quite sorry for them.

They will never know what it’s like to break out of their comfort zone and be willing to play a round of golf with anyone, including the lovely new member who has just got her first handicap of 54 but is learning fast. They will never have the fun of helping show a beginner how to score and watching her handicap come tumbling down. Or getting to play with the 80-year-old stalwart of the club who loves nothing more than reminiscing about her hey day. Hearing those interesting tales of life, of love, of loss and adventure is priceless. They’ll miss the opportunity to watch the young club junior bomb her ball double the distance as them down the fairway. You never know, they might be the future AIG Women’s Open champion.

Ultimately, whether you choose to only play with your friends or not depends on your personality. I’m naturally a very sociable person that enjoys the company of strangers and will chat at ease with anyone and everyone. I’m also mentally strong enough to be able to focus on my own game and my own shots, despite the distraction of whatever else is going on around me. 

It’s rare to find low handicappers like me who are prepared to mark a medal card alongside someone with twenty, thirty, or dare I say it, yes even fifty more shots than me. But I do. One of my friends is new to the game and has a 54 handicap. I’m encouraging her to play, so we often enter competitions together.

I find that once the high handicappers relax and realise that I’m only a normal woman, not a scary single figure handicapper, they actually play better golf because they are learning from me. Not just the technical swing tips (like emulating good timing, rhythm, alignment and so on) but also the course management aspect to scoring. I like to offer advice to women I see doing ‘silly’ things like trying to hit an impossible shot with a totally unsuitable club from deep rough when they should really be just taking their medicine and using a wedge to hit the ball out sideways back into play. 

I will always be eternally grateful to the more experienced women at my home club, Parkstone Golf Club, who took me under their wing when I was a high handicap junior player. They had the patience to guide me around the golf course, offer advice and encourage me. By doing the same now for others it is rewarding. Paying it forward, if you like.

If you are in a clique of golfing friends then I’m not judging you, but I’m telling you that by only experiencing the game through rose-tinted lenses you’re missing out on all the wonderful gifts that golf has to give. Maybe you’re reading this thinking, that’s me? If you are, then I implore you to put your name down on the start sheet alone for the next competition without your best friends. Go on try it. Break free and see.