17 Ways To Tell You're Obsessed With Golf

The tell-tale signs that you are a true golf fanatic

Obsessed With Golf

How You Know That You Really Are Obsessed With Golf 

You think that you are a perfectly normal, balanced person, but other people say you are completely obsessed with golf. First of all, what's wrong with that, and secondly, are they actually right?

Here we detail 17 tell-tale signs that you are a true golfing fanatic...

1) You think it is perfectly normal to use the dishwasher to clean your golf balls

2) When looking at a new carpet all you can think is how suitable it will be for practising your putting on

3) You know the 18 times table. 

4) You described a puddle on a footpath as casual water

5) You can absent-mindedly practise your golf swing at any moment that you are standing up - waiting for the kettle to boil or for the lift, in a meeting with your boss, at a funeral

6) During the summer months you're guaranteed to have a deep tan on your left arm which starts below the shirt sleeve line and ends abruptly at the wrist

7) You have a collection of ball markers from almost every course you have played... and those ones you don’t have really bug you.

8) You want to turn your lawn into a putting green

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9) You think it perfectly normal when giving directions to say things such as ‘about a 5-iron from there take a left turn’

10) You named you daughter Augusta. Moreover when your registered the birth you absent-mindedly gave her the middle name National.

11) Every pair of trousers you own has either tees or a ball marker, or both, in the pockets

12) You can never bear to throw an old club away

13) When choosing a new car the most important thing is whether the boot is large enough to fit your golf bag

14) You cannot see a stretch of rolling landscape without wondering what kind of golf course you might be able to design over it

15) You can’t look at something, such as the building across from your office, without wondering what club you’d need to use to land a ball on it

16) You think everyone else enjoys your blow-by-blow accounts of your round as much as you do (don’t worry - they do, promise)

17) You think people who don’t like golf are weird. (Mind you, they are.)

Roderick Easdale

Contributing Writer Roderick is the author of the critically acclaimed comic golf novel, Summer At Tangents. Golf courses and travel are Roderick’s particular interests. He writes travel articles and general features for the magazine, travel supplement and website. He also compiles the magazine's crossword. He is a member of Trevose Golf & Country Club and has played golf in around two dozen countries. Cricket is his other main sporting love. He is also the author of five non-fiction books, four of which are still in print: The Novel Life of PG Wodehouse; The Don: Beyond Boundaries; Wally Hammond: Gentleman & Player and England’s Greatest Post-War All Rounder.