7 Things Every Golfer Hates (But No One Says To Your Face)

As if the game itself wasn’t frustrating enough, sometimes it’s not your swing that ruins the round, it’s the people you are playing with.

On or off the course there are certain habits people have that will quietly drive you mad, the kind that chips away at your enjoyment without you feeling like you can call them out.

And I’m not talking about the big obvious things either, I’m talking about subtle things that are much harder to call out; the golfing equivalent of eating from a very loud rustling packet at the cinema, or eating tuna in an enclosed office space. During my time as a coach, I’ve heard them all. Here are 7 of my favourites and how you should handle them.

Constant Moaner

If there is a problem to be found or a dark cloud in a blue sky, this person will find it. From the moment they pull up in the car park they will find things to moan about; the competition set up, the locker rooms, tee times, course condition, their own golf, it goes on and on.

The trouble is spending 4- 5 hours of your leisure time with someone like this can be extremely draining and really put a downer on what should be an enjoyable time.

The first thing to realise is that some people are just built this way, and they likely don’t even realise they are doing it. My suggestion is to go for some light humour when the moaning starts.

“You can have one more moan on this hole then that’s it”, or “You do realise we are here because we are meant to be enjoying ourselves”

Sometimes a gentle nudge can wake them up to the fact they are even moaning and that you have noticed. If, however, their moaning persists, that is when you have to put your imaginary ear plugs in and do all you can to make their complaints background noise and prioritise focusing on your own game.

Backhanded Compliments

Now this is a sneaky one and something that winds me up because deep down I think this person knows exactly what they are doing. The tricky thing with this, is that it’s so subtle. Everything sounds like a compliment, but there is always a little sting in the tail. You are left smiling in the moment, and then five seconds later thinking, hey, hang on a second!

“That was a great shot…for you”

“You’ve got a very unique swing”

“I wish I could play like that and not think about it”

What is key to remember when dealing with someone like this is they want to put you off, so a great first tactic for dealing with this gamesmanship is to act dumb and take the compliment.

“That was a great shot for you”

“I know it really was; I’m chuffed with that one!”

“You’ve got a very unique swing”

“It’s not textbook but there’s no pictures on a scorecard”

Another way is to let them know you’re aware of what they are up to, so when they give you one of their ‘compliments’ reply along the lines of, “I’m going to take that as a compliment.” Accompany your reply with a stare and they should get the message.

The Pace of Play Police (Who Then Take Forever)

We all know someone like this. They love telling everyone else to hurry up and keep up etc, but when it comes to their own shot, they suddenly find the time for three practice swings, and a club rethink. The frustration isn’t even the time they take, it’s the double standard. When you take a moment, you’re holding everyone up, but when they do it, they are just doing it properly. It’s the complete lack of self awareness that winds people up.

If you ever find yourself with someone like this, the most important thing to do is to ensure you are doing your part to keep a reasonable pace of play, leaving your bag/trolley in the right place by each green and marking any scores while waiting on the next tee. If you are doing your best, you can then relax. Let them be annoyed, the problem is theirs.

Lays Up At The Bar Every Time

Coffee at the halfway hut, someone else pays, a bit of cake or a snack, someone else pays, drinks at the bar, someone else pays. Golf has a lovely unspoken nature of taking it in turns to pay, but it only works if everyone plays their part. When one person quietly opts out, it shifts the whole dynamic. No one is pulling out a calculator, but it doesn’t take many missed turns for people to notice if someone has deep pockets and short arms.

Saying nothing will likely lead to resentment, but being too blunt could cause some real awkwardness. The key is to keep it light, but make the expectation clear. Early on, set the tone so it feels normal rather than pointed; “I’ll get this one, you can grab the next,” or “Shall we take turns today?” That way everyone knows where they stand.

If they still manage to dodge paying it is likely not even a sarcastic quip will help, so it’s best to stop covering for them. No fuss, no drama, just let them sort themselves out, or opt for a split bill every time. It’s a quiet way of removing the safety net of someone else paying without making it a big deal.

They Leave the Scoring And More To You

This person is all too happy for you to take charge of the scorecard, right from the first tee it’s “Do you want to keep it?” Followed up with “Just put me down for whatever I get.” Yet somehow, those few flippant comments turn into you being the scorer, the counter and the unofficial rules official for the entire group. The real magic happens when you ask them for their score and it is somehow always a shot or two less than what you think it is. Funny how it’s never the other way round though, no one ever accidently adds on shots.

Golf is a game of respect and integrity, keeping your own score accurately is one of the bare minimum requirements. So, when someone so casually offloads all of their expected responsibilities and makes your life harder by miscounting it can ruin your day.

Again, it’s about setting your expectations early when dealing with someone like this. If you find yourself as scorer for the group, ask everyone for their scores at the end of each hole. If you suspect they are saying a number one or two shots light, nip it in the bud early by being ‘helpful’ and reminding them about the extra shot out of the trees. That way they know you are onto them and won’t tolerate any funny business.

Control Freak

This is the flip side of the same coin of the above. This time they relish the power and control. For people like this it is not just a round of golf, it’s a full production! Before you even tee off, they’ve decided; what time you are playing, who’s in what group, the format, and they might even throw in a suggestion of matching outfits.

At first this type of behaviour can appear as just good organisation and is usually well intentioned, but there is a fine line between planning and controlling. After a few experiences it can feel like there is no room for you to have your say.

Like the miscounting, it is best to deal with this type of behaviour early on. When they make their ‘suggestions’ reply with, “That sounds good, however, I think I’d like to do this for my only game this week.” It can be all too easy to be bulldozed by people like this. Don’t be a pushover, you are allowed to have boundaries and play the golf that you want to play.

Captain Obvious

If there is one thing I know about the Captain Obvious types it is they literally don’t even know they are doing it. It is a compulsion that drives them like a moth to the flame, to state the obvious and provide a running commentary that no one asked for.

Hit one into a bunker

“That’s in the bunker”

Leave a putt short

“Bit short”

Yeah, thanks for that! It’s never insightful, it’s never helpful, just a constant narration of what everyone else can see with their own eyes. For the Captain Obvious though, they just think they are being engaging and supportive.

Try and handle this with some light humour. When they state the obvious, lean into it and say something along the lines of “Unbelievable insight that” or “Glad you are here to confirm that.” Said with a smile this can make them aware they are doing it.

That’s the funny thing about golf, it’s not always the bad shots that get to you, it can be the behaviours, like straws being placed on a camel’s back. None of the above offenders are serious, but over 18 holes or your day out, it can all add up.

Often there is no malice or ill intent meant, it is just people not taking responsibility for their own behaviour and staying in the lane of their own golf. A bit of awareness, humour and knowing when to laugh it off, or when to gently call it out, can go a long way. Unless you are playing golf to pay your mortgage, you are meant to have fun, and if you do recognise yourself in any of these, at least now you know how annoying it can be and you can change your ways!