18 Funniest Golf Innuendos
From shaving the hole to enjoying your foursome, here are our favourites...

Golf tips and expert instruction, golf club reviews and the latest golf equipment.
Thank you for signing up to Golf Monthly. You will receive a verification email shortly.
There was a problem. Please refresh the page and try again.
From shaving the hole to enjoying your threesome, golf innuendos make those four hours out on the course that little bit more enjoyable. Here are some of our favourites...
From shaving the hole to enjoying your threesome, golf innuendos make our rounds that little bit more enjoyable.
Some are clever and some are just lewd, so if you're easily offended we recommend you redirect your attention to our articles on why you're lucky to date a golfer, or how to play well when hungover.
If not, read on and let us know your favourites. Have we missed any? Let us know via @GolfMonthly on Twitter and on our Golf Monthly Facebook page.
1 - After 18 holes I can barely walk
Golf can be tough on the body. We recommend using a trolley.
2 - The extra length is really helping me get it in the hole
Belly putters aren't for everybody, but if you're struggling with holing out, they're worth a try.
3 - My hands are so sweaty, I can't get a good grip
Golf on a hot summers day may sound perfect, but it has its challenges.
4 - That's a very stiff shaft
Testing drivers can be good fun, but getting your shaft flex right is crucial. We recommend a custom fitting to find your best combination.
5 - I'm going to wash my balls, want me to wash yours too?
Sand and mud on your balls will affect their performance in the air and around the greens, and nobody wants that.
6 - That guy's got incredible length!
Distance off the tee is a real bonus, but only if you know how to handle it.
7 - Grip it softly and stroke it smoothly
There are many ways to improve your putting, and this tip is among the best.
8 - I've had too many strokes, I think I need to change my grip
Sometimes all it takes is a small change in your technique to transform your scores.
9 – I think my shaft is just too long
A long shaft is often very hard to control, and if you're struggling for accuracy, it may be worth considering chopping some of yours off.
10 – He handled those humps really well
To be a good putter you must be able to read the break on even the toughest of sloping greens.
11 – He snuck that in the backdoor
No matter how hard we try, not every putt will roll in the middle of the cup, and the backdoor is a much better alternative than a lip-out.
12 - It looks pretty wet down there
Definitely the last thing you want to hear when your ball has just toppled over the edge and into a hazard.
13 - You can either bang it in the back or slip it in gently
A good putter knows when to play the break and when to hit it firm and straight.
14 - That’s a hole to be respected
Sometimes being brave just isn't an option, and favouring a safe strategy off the tee will keep your scorecard intact.
15 - I tugged it a little
Pulling your shots can be very frustrating, be fear not, we've got some great instruction tips here.
16 - I just shaved the hole
If you miss by an inch, you miss by a mile, putting is a game of very small margins.
17 - Keep your head down and spread your legs a bit
We've all probably been told at one time or another to keep our heads down and focused on the ball, while even weight distribution should help your balance and control.
18 - I really enjoyed that threesome/foursome
Playing on your own or in a pair can get boring after five or six holes, it's much better to play in a trio or quartet.
-
-
$18 For A Beer - Fans React To PGA Championship Prices
Twitter was not impressed when the refreshement prices at Southern Hills Country Club were revealed
By Jeff Kimber • Published
-
How To Watch The PGA Championship On ESPN+
Make sure you miss none of the action from Southern Hills with these details on how to watch with ESPN+.
By Sam Tremlett • Published
-
What Degree Loft Should Your Golf Clubs Be?
What degree loft you should have for your clubs depends upon many different factors
By Sam Tremlett • Published
-
How To Earn A European Tour Card
The European Tour, now known as the DP World Tour, offers many ways by which you can qualify for a European Tour card
By Roderick Easdale • Published
-
The 2006 US Open: Monty and Mickelson Miss Out
The 2006 US Open featured two of the most harrowing final-hole meltdowns in Major history, with Australian Geoff Ogilvy ultimately reigning supreme
By David Taylor • Published
-
Tiger Woods’ Golf Gear Through The Years
We take a look at the 15-time Major winner's clubs from down the years...
By Elliott Heath • Published
-
Robert MacIntyre Exclusive: "I Don't Listen To The Hype"
Michael Weston speaks to popular Scot Robert MacIntyre
By Michael Weston • Published
-
Justin Rose: Secrets Of My Game
We sat down with Justin Rose to discuss the secrets of his game!
By Golf Monthly • Published
-
Jon Rahm Exclusive: "I'm The Furthest Thing From Technical There Possibly Is"
Jon Rahm reveals how feel, natural instinct and a competitive nature have contributed to his significant early success on tour
By Jeremy Ellwood • Published
-
14 Of The Best Scottish Golfers Of All Time
We take a look at some of the greatest golfers to hail from Scotland.
By Sam Tremlett • Published