I Started Playing Golf With Strangers And Discovered 5 Ways It Cures On-Course Anxiety

I love playing golf with friends, my regular golfing crew, because it’s comfortable, fun, and a zero pressure situation. I know what to expect from everyone, and they know what to expect from me. But, recently I’ve said yes to playing in a few events with people I don’t know, and it’s had an unexpected outcome on my golf game: improving my overall mindset on the golf course.

I’ve written about my struggles with nerves and performance pressure. Playing with people I don’t know typically brings out the worst nerves in me, so I generally avoided it and stuck to what felt comfortable as I worked on different techniques to stay focused and remain calm during important rounds. But, I’ve heard over and over that you must put yourself in uncomfortable situations to improve.

So, I decided to give it a try. And guess what? It works. What historically brought out the worst on-course anxiety in me has actually helped my mental game. Plus, I met some lovely new golfing friends. If any of you are hesitant to join a new league, or say yes to a foursome of strangers, here are five ways it’s helped me (the queen of nervous golf energy), and maybe you’ll benefit, too.

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Being More Aware of Where I Need to Focus

When I’m anxious, my tee shots struggle. That’s become blatantly obvious to me over the past year. For a while, knowing that fact was harming me. I would get up to the tee thinking there was a good chance I’d hit the ball into the water. That might be the worst mindset to have in golf because too often those worries become self-fulfilling prophecies!

I spoke to another golfer who suggested that instead of thinking about my bad shot, use the information to my benefit and adjust. I did just that. Being able to pinpoint that weakness has been so beneficial. If I’m feeling off or extra nervous, I put my driver away and use a club I’m most confident with, even if I’m giving up some distance, to make sure I have a playable ball on the first couple holes.

Accepting Bad Rounds As Part Of The Process

I read a book called The Confidence Code that talked about failing fast to move forward, and I think this is the perfect example of that concept. It’s almost like getting what you were most afraid of out of your system so you can move on.

I know that playing with new people makes me rush my golf swing, which I tend to do when I’m nervous, so instead of getting down on myself after a mishit, I pre-accepted that I would probably have multiple bad holes. It’s not giving up, but just accepting that it’s possible.

My goal was not to break any personal records. Instead, I tried to slow down, focus only on each shot and do my best in a situation where I would no doubt be tempted to focus on all the outside factors instead of my target. With that mindset, it took that feeling of performance pressure off and helped me shrug off all those mishits, knowing that even the worst holes would help me improve long term.

Setting Goals Unrelated To My Score

I don’t like to play a round without any goal, especially, as I mentioned in my second point, if a low score isn’t it. Small goals, like focusing on weight shift, exhaling before I swing, or not rushing my putting routine, help me stay focused from one hole to the next. My tendency is to focus on those new people watching my golf swing instead of my actual golf swing. To help, I’ve dialled in my pre-shot routine. I have a target and a swing thought to focus on.

During a recent golf outing, I made a small goal for myself that no matter what kind of shot it was, good or bad, I would take my time and complete my pre-shot routine on the next one. If I can do that before each shot, I’ve accomplished my goal and can feel good about it. Plus, it helps me hit better shots anyway!

Challenging Myself is a Big Confidence Booster

What started off as an insecurity has made me a stronger golfer. Playing with people who I previously labeled as intimidating, and having a great time, gave me the confidence that I can still pull off a decent round when I’m feeling that nervous energy. By knowing where I struggle and being able to adjust, I trust myself more now than ever to hold it together and be able to come back after a slow start.

During a recent three-day women’s tournament, I was playing with one friend and two women I had never met before. We ended up winning our flight and coming in third overall. I didn’t play well the first day. But, I trusted that I could turn it around the next day, and I did. Where one of us lacked, another made up for it. We all added value in our own ways. I would never have had that experience if I hadn’t trusted myself.

Expanding My Golf Circle

I’m a member at a private club, so I typically play only on my course with people I know, but now that I’ve put myself out there and joined up with other women who love golf as much as I do, I’m really looking forward to playing in different events and meeting more golfers.

At a recent guest day at my club, my partner and I struggled to find two guests available to play. We ended up getting paired with two women who I’d never met before. I’m so grateful for that day because now I have two new friends, members at another club, who I can reach out to for other guest days both at my home course and theirs.

Golf is the ultimate connector. A shared passion that brings people together who otherwise wouldn’t have met. That’s something I’ve learned to embrace, not shy away from, and it’s changed my whole outlook about the game.