Golf’s Biggest Barrier Isn’t Cost Or Time... It’s The Embarrassment Factor

Over the last few years much has been written about the potential barriers women face when it comes to getting into golf, such as lack of time due to work and family commitments, accessibility of facilities, golf being a traditionally male-dominated environment, and limited playing opportunities.

All of which were and, in some cases, still valid, but thanks to the work done by many golf clubs, coaches and get into golf initiatives, women’s golf is in a great place now and is continuing to grow.

However, having spent thousands of hours coaching female golfers of all abilities, I believe there is a barrier that is very real, but much harder to identify, as it isn’t practical or financial, it’s emotional. It’s the feeling of embarrassment. It’s the fear of putting yourself in a situation where you might feel exposed, inexperienced or inadequate. It’s worrying how you’ll look, what other people might think and whether you’ll feel out of place.

And it’s certainly not exclusive to women. I’ve coached many men who want to take up golf because their friends or colleagues play, or because they’ve recently retired and now have more time on their hands. They can experience the same apprehension about starting something new, but I do believe this emotional barrier holds women back to a greater extent.

Look at driving ranges, golf clubs and even social media, they are awash with men learning, practicing or simply being decidedly very average at golf. There is a visible community of men at every stage of the game, which creates a perceived safe space to learn and progress.

When you see plenty of people like yourself starting out, making mistakes and improving, taking that first step feels less intimidating and there is a ready built sense of camaraderie in the pursuit. For women, while there is some content out there, that visibility and sense of belonging hasn’t always been as readily available.

When coaching I do my best to challenge the idea that you have to be good at golf before you can enjoy it, buy clubs, practice or join a club, but I do understand why many women feel that way. Golf is a big sport to learn with many parts to the game, pieces of equipment, lingo, scoring formats, etiquette, and then there is the unavoidable fact of how difficult it is. I’m not really selling it am I?!

Which brings me back to the role embarrassment has to play. Learning something new in an environment where you feel everyone else knows what they are doing can be intimidating and embarrassment is a powerful emotion. The fear of embarrassment can influence our decisions. It’s not necessarily the fear of failing itself, but the thought of other people witnessing that failure.

Nobody particularly enjoys feeling foolish, looking inexperienced or making mistakes in front of others, but for some women that feeling can be enough to stop them having a go or trying something new. It is all too easy to turn a situation that should be an enjoyable opportunity to learn into something that feels uncomfortable before you have even started. The problem with avoiding those situations is it can become a habit, which sets you up for making what you are avoiding a bigger obstacle.

No doubt you may recognise that you do, or have done some of the above, but the real question is what can you do about it? This is where we need to talk about some uncomfortable truths, with uncomfortable being the operative word, because there is no growth in the comfort zone and no comfort in the growth zone.

In order to get better you have to attempt things and keep putting yourself in the scenarios you find challenging, before you feel fully ready, it is literally a matter of exposure therapy.

The good news is, in other areas of your life, you will have already experienced doing things before you felt fully ready, like driving on the motorway, taking an exam, or new challenges at work. You just need to apply the same to golf. Scared of bunkers - have a technique lesson and practice the full scenario of knocking one golf ball in the bunker and then trying to get it out on the first attempt. Repeat the full process twenty times, then see how you feel.

Our brains are hardwired to seek the feeling of safety for survival, so you have to purposefully strive to widen your window of tolerance for discomfort. If ever there was a sport you have to get used to the unknown and unpredictable, it is golf. The whole thing is an exercise in being able to deal with a huge variety of variables, from weather, course condition, your playing partners, bad bounces, to how you are playing.

The flip side - that is what makes it fun, the never ending challenge of it. By all means find an environment that is a comfortable place to learn, but more importantly allows you to have a go and try new things, which is how you discover what you enjoy and what you are truly capable of. I will leave you with a parting thought which I heard American actor Austin Butler say in an interview recently: “Someone once told me embarrassment is an underexplored emotion, go out there and make a fool of yourself!”