Birdies and Bogeys – Too much to do/Not enough time

Luke Norman, news editor...

?Too much to do, not enough time.? Every great compere has a catchphrase, Old Brucie, Magic Paul Daniels, Jim?ll Fixit ? the list goes on and on ? so it?s no surprise that assistant editor and High Lord of production John Thynne has collared his very own linguistic legacy.

It starts in about week 1.25 of the production schedule (currently running from around the 20th of each month) when suddenly the normally genial Senor Thynne suddenly comes in with a strange manic gleam in his eye, stops joining in the vital office chat (7-iron or driver to hit the Tate Modern from our roof?) and starts turning down invites to a lunchtime jog or even worse refuses the public house on the odd occasion we retire for a well-earned foaming beverage. And then it comes. It?s as inevitable as a Neil Tappin J Arthur? ?Too much to do??

By the time final production week comes around John has been entirely overtaken by his favourite saying and it becomes sort of unpleasant to sit opposite him. However, it does ensure ultimate efficiency ? all the banter stops because we know what we will be told at high volume if anything non-Golf Monthly comes out of our mouths.

The final stages of the magazine production sees everyone in the office occupying very different stress levels. At one end of the scale, the desirable end, the section editors swan gently around, offering to make tea, occasionally stopping to peer over a screen and change a header, all the while blissfully aware that they have long finished their busy period and are still a few days away from putting the blinkers back on. (Of course one of them, equipment man Jeez Ellwood, is likely to be at Hollywood auditions, following the success of his online video blog)

In the middle, sits editorial assistant Paula and web editor Paul ? aside from their eponymous symmetry these two also share the trait that they are just constantly busy. Work doesn?t ebb and flow for these two, it just rolls forever downwards. After all, golf websites never sleep.

Then at the other end, in a state of constant edginess, slight caffeine-induced watchfulness and tight-lipped efficiency is the Art Department and my good self, sometime news-editor sometime sub-editor. The Art boys are to be treated with great respect and reverence? or else you get a torrent of abuse and stony silence greets every request for help. The sub-editor of course hardly ever peels his (beautifully-formed) nose from the grindstone ? hard-working and in need-of-a-rise kind of guy that he is.

By this stage Mr Thynne has entered killer mode, muttering his catchphrase over and over again, as he powers through all 201 pages of the mag. The glue that keeps GM mistake free (almost always) is bald and has a reverse pivot but we couldn?t do without him? he could lose the catchphrase though.

Oh and head honcho Michael Harris rules over the entire domain with a mixture of quick wit, hard-nosed efficiency and utter brilliance (well, come on, I want that raise don?t I?!).